But it isn't nice.

I've had an odd couple of days.  Yesterday I read a news story in which a former church leader said the following about the Women's March in New York: "We were in a cab, and as I watched those women marching and yelling, and should I say, behaving anything but ladylike and using language that was very unbefitting of daughters of God,” Sister Dalton said. “As I watched all of that take place, my heart just sunk and I thought to myself, ‘What would happen if all those women were marching and calling to the world for a return to virtue?"

I wrote a personal response to this as my Facebook status, and shared it with my usual curated group of friends.  Then a friend of mine asked if she could share my post, so I made it public, which means anyone on facebook can see and comment.  Some of the feedback was positive, even surprising.  One of my former students saw it and reached out, not realizing that I'm LDS (since I'm not supposed to bring that up in class) and sharing that she was raised in the church too.  So that was a neat connection.  Some friends offered thoughtful responses that, if not in total agreement with my views, were at least kind and measured.  And then there were folks who were completely disgusted and outraged and made sure to let me know.

What has been strange for me is seeing the nature of criticism I received.  Here is some of the negative feedback:
-"saddened that you feel the need to speak ill of the leaders of the church in such a public forum" 
-"No wonder the adversary strives, even now, to prevent this from happening! Regardless of who is getting the adversary’s special attention at any given time, he seeks to make all people “miserable like unto himself” (2 Ne. 2:27). Indeed, he seeks “the misery of all mankind” (2 Ne. 2:18). He is undeviating in his purposes and is clever and relentless in his pursuit of them.
He fools people like this and makes them look at situations through foggy eyes. Just because they were fooled into believing this way, it's not how our Heavenly Father looks at this. She's wrong and I disagree 100%.
-"No one saw the values you thought you were representing,
for the pussy hat on your head....
That's how you missed the mark by a mile. 
I'm sure as you marched you explained all the values you learned in YWs with a tasteful sign though, right? This is my point. You may have been among the "hundreds" of LDS women who marched, but there were millions who did not. You are among the minority within the church. Good for you for using you free agency, but don't think for one minute that wearing a vagina on your head made any difference that day.

Along with the criticism Sister Dalton offered, here is a summary then of my misdeeds and those of my sisters in marching:

• unladylike
• unbefitting language
• vulgar
• disagreeing publicly with an authority figure (though I might note I was not actually criticizing that leader in any way -- just voicing a different perspective on an event)
• Being fooled by Satan
• Being in the minority, because millions of LDS women chose not to express themselves by marching
• Wearing a vagina on my head 

I want to say right now that I was not wearing a vagina on my head. 

This hat bears no resemblance to a vagina, other than it has a hole at the bottom which is a critique that could justly be leveled at all hats.  Yes, there is a double entendre meant to taunt our vulgar president, but I don't think you can argue the hat itself looks like genitalia.  My mom made it for me and it is very cozy.  I proudly wear it all the time.

As for the other criticisms -- I have many scrappy friends who entered the fray on my behalf and I am grateful to them.  Of these critiques, only one actually seems like a genuine problem.  If indeed I am misled by Satan and God disapproves of my actions then that is a serious problem.  However, the only way to gain any insight into that is through personal reflection, study and prayer.  The fruits of the Spirit include peace and joy, two feelings that I felt very strongly that day as I stood with other sisters and talked with strangers about our values and concerns. I felt unity, happiness and hope.  Those are not feelings that can be produced by Satan and as a result I am not worried that my actions were the result of diabolical manipulation. I cannot speak for anyone else, only for my own motivations and actions.  I do not believe they were the result of evil.

The other critiques are troubling to me because they suggest a set of priorities and values that do not necessarily lead toward moral courage.  Is obscene language offensive? Yes.  However, many people who do not embrace the same language values that I do nevertheless have important things to say.  It is more important to listen and love despite crude phrasing than to shun a message just because it is delivered in a way you'd never hear in Stake Conference.  Many women were speaking out about their experiences with sexual assault using extremely vulgar terms.  Should we dismiss and ignore them because of how they expressed their pain? Perhaps the very vulgarity is necessary to get people to pay attention to a problem that our society routinely ignores and excuses. To me it seems a bit pharisaical to condemn the march on the grounds that the signs were vulgar.  Which is the greater problem to be fought: the word p**sy on a cardboard sign, or the fact that 1 in 4 women in our society is the victim of sexual assault and we continue to celebrate predators while silencing women? 

The other critique is one I have heard often (usually on the internet, not from my ward) as a result of being an outspoken feminist who is also Mormon.  You are in the minority! Most LDS women don't feel as you do! Millions of people don't act the way you do! 

And? So? Since when is belonging inherently virtuous? Since when is fitting in a desirable end in itself? What about our religion teaches us that Christ wants us above all to always feel comfortable and part of an in crowd?  I don't base my moral calculations on whether they'll help me to blend in to my community and I'm troubled that I so often hear a refrain that suggests I should.

Mormons are used to thinking of themselves as a peculiar people, standing apart from the world.  As it happens, I don't think that my views on refugees, or helping the poor, or standing against racism and misogyny make me out of step with my fellow LDS people.  Certainly nobody in my ward seems to think I'm taking an outrageous stand, indeed many have been openly supportive and encouraging.  But even if every single one of them thought it was wrong for me to be politically active on these issues, it wouldn't change my confidence in speaking out.  I'd love to feel like millions of Mormon women were with me.  But if not, I still have a moral responsibility to act in accordance with my conscience and to stand for truth and righteousness.