Brought to you by the number 8

I am determined to post at least once a month.  A blog is not dead as long as you post at least once a month.  This is scientifically proven.

I belong to a group discussion board for women who are due to produce live young in July.  It is mostly not a good use of my time but caring for the offspring I already have can be mind-numbingly dull (sorry darling) and mama needs her stories.  So if Facebook and Instagram fail me, I turn to What To Expect July 2017 Moms.  One of the nice things about being a STM (second time mom -- the acronyms for these cult-like groups are out of control) is that you can quietly smirk at things FTMs (I'm sure you can deduce that one) say.  See when you're pregnant with your first it is very very annoying to have people act superior and tell you your ideas, expectations etc. are wrong.  But as in all areas in this life, being smug is very enjoyable and as soon as you get the chance you take it.

Last week an expecting mom solemnly proclaimed she was NOT going to rock her baby to sleep.  I forbore to comment, though I wondered what new age nonsense she had read forbidding that.  Sure, there comes an age when you sleep train a kid and they need to learn to self soothe.  What age that is and how you should do it are of course set in stone and anyone who deviates from what works for you is probably an abusive psychopath.  But a newborn?  Honey, when that screaming mommet is exhausted and can't figure out why her entire world doesn't constantly bounce up and down anymore, you're going to be rocking.  Rocking will be so ingrained that you'll find yourself constantly swaying side to side even when you aren't holding a baby.  This will especially happen if you hear a baby in distress, but you'll do it even if you're standing at a party.  It's part of your new endearing weirdness, like how you smell like rotten yogurt all the time.

Another one of the charming things that people who don't have children say is something along the lines of how with the right toys, music, clothing etc. you can defeat gender and raise a child who is not interested in things that are stereotypically associated with their assigned sex.  Nope.  Your kid comes to this earth with weird preconceived notions about what is awesome and what could not be less interesting.  The slightest accidental exposure will rivet their interest.  You can keep introducing the other stuff, but unless you live inside an opaque snow globe, (and how do we know we're NOT... oh shut up high school philosopher) your child will find a way to love cars, or dolls, or dinosaurs, or tacky jewelry.

Here are some of my son's great loves.

He loves the shower squeegee.  The thrill of his life is taking a shower with me and wielding the rubber utensil of power.  He struggles to say "squeegee" so I refer to it as "the wand of destiny."  He is pretty good at saying wand.  If he had his way we'd go back and forth between playing on my bed and showering for hours on end.  Why don't we do that? It actually sounds okay.

This week Patrick decided he really loves the number eight.  I was reading one of the zillions of "learn to count through a boring list-based non-story" books in our house.  We were practicing saying numbers, more to break the monotony for me than anything else and he took to one and two pretty well.  But he really met his true love when we got to eight.  It's symmetrical.  It sounds like you're about to get food (the way he pronounces it which is more like eet).  It looks distinctive.  And it's blue.  He has a bunch of foam shapes and numbers and letters to play in the bath and he held each one up asking hopefully if it was "eet?"  I finally had to go through the package to find 8.  It has been his constant companion all day.  He even had a meltdown (a true sign of devotion) when I couldn't find eet.  He scrabbled at the couch cushions hopefully "eet!  eeeeeeeeet!"  Thankfully I found eet along with Didi (his blankie and other constant companion) in (where else) "bed! bed! bed!"  Boy and eet are reunited and our family is whole again.

So don't tell me that YOUR child will be strictly raised on the number SEVEN.  Nothing but ol' sept for you and yours! Because that kid will come into this world already drawn by a mystical otherworldly force to the digit of his dreams.

Eight.  Now there's a number you can really sink your teeth into.