Better know a Pip

Pip has ruled our kingdom with benevolent despotism for nineteen months and we feel we know him pretty well.  But how well do YOU know your overlord? Take the quiz to find out!

1. When picnicking in the back yard, Pip's favorite food/beverage is:

A) Sucking rain water out of a dish rag used to clean tables at our barbecue a month ago

B) Sucking rain water out of a sock that I took off and left in the mud, so it is sweaty, moldy and soaked

C) Sucking rain water out of a used paint roller that I set outside to dry three months ago and then never brought in.

Answer:  Trick question. I get off on being withholding and snatched each one away before he could do a comparative taste test.

2.  We watch the skies because:

A) We hope to see a plane dragging a banner on game day.

B) We're hoping to see the Geese Blue Angels do a fly past

C) We are aiming to spot a tiny plane scarcely visible to the human eye

Answer: Geese!!! When you see them, scream and point with glee!!! Planes will do when no geese are available.

3. "Brrzzz" means:

A) The sound bees make

B) The sound cars make

C) Grapes

D) That tickles

Answer.  Grapes.  He replaces g with b, doesn't really get the letter p, and s becomes z.  It's fairly simple. Also he demands them in lieu of other food items at every meal.

4. When mom reads "The Gruffalo" the fox speaks with what accent?

A) Mr. Renard parle français, bien sûr

B) A faintly eastern European patois, with a hint of Spanish influence

C) He's from Louisiana, obviously

Answer: The fox learned to speak English by listening to NPR interviews with people from the former Soviet Union.  But he has a little Zorro in there too.

5. "Eh eee!" Is a common phrase in our house.  It means:

A) I want cheese, pronto.

B) I want to be on the couch along with this very large ungainly toy.

C) I do not wish to have my diaper refreshed.

Answer: B.  Remove all the consonants from "help please!" and you have his pronunciation.  I respond to his whining by using that phrase in the hopes that he'd learn to ask for help instead of sniveling.  It has kind of worked. 

6.  When a varlet goes to get Pip out of his crib in the morning, it is customary to:

A) Have a stuffed animal peer around the door and hop about greeting him

B) Send a truck in as an advance emissary

C) Sing the good morning song which involves a number of "tra la la las" 

Answer: C.  The puppets usually aren't up for a show until after nap time.  Trucks are downstairs friends, obviously.  The song is a thing of beauty and poetry.

7.  Pip's favorite music is:

A) The songs in the public domain that his annoying battery operated toys drone endlessly.

B) Specifically, "Mary had a little lamb" which inexplicably is what his train engine produces, accompanied by cheerful train toots

C) The first cabinet meeting from the second CD of the Hamilton soundtrack, because he likes debating debt plans with Mommy.  We take turns with who has to be Jefferson.

Answer: C.  Obviously.  Hamilton is basically the only music to which my son has been consistently exposed.  Answers A and B technically fall into the category of noise, not music.  Mom knows where the off switch is.

8.  When out and about, Pip frequently removes his socks and flings them with wild abandon, never to be seen again.  The reason for this is:

A) BORN FREE!!!

B) Need to find out what the piggies have accomplished

C) Chris taught him socks are the devil.

Answer: Could be A or B.  Chris has taught him that socks are our friends because they protect us from the true evil, which are shoes.