I just read an article about all the things about my home that are grossing out my guests. It included things like dirty bathrooms, hand towels, kitchen cabinets etc. Looking around my actual home, I see some low-hanging fruit that this clearly judgmental author missed in the "disgusting home" category. Shall we take a little tour?
1) DON'T lean your Christmas tree, ugly undecorated side out, against the wall. It makes it look like you can't figure out how to make it straight or decorate properly, like some kind of tribe of slobs!
My rationale: I have done my best to fix it. I have redecorated that monster several times every day. I'm really close to just chucking it on the porch, fully decorated, and reinstalling it on Christmas Eve. If someone in YOUR house were constantly pulling it over and yanking off ornaments, you'd lose your will pretty quickly too.
2) DON'T have a desiccated dead slug on the bathroom floor.
My rationale: I want to wait a respectful amount of time for its slug brethren to claim the body. I never invited that slug in the house to begin with. You can't tell its a slug unless you're really staring at it for awhile, in which case bless you and your digestive troubles.
3) DON'T leave piles of dirty diapers in the middle of the living room floor.
My rationale: Sometimes the screaming demands are too pressing and realistically another filthy diaper will join it soon enough, then I can efficiently take them to the diaper pail on the porch.
4) DON'T have a bucket full of dirty diapers encrusted with feces immediately outside your front door.
My rationale: What, like I'm going to walk out to the bin ten times a day? Not a chance.
5) DON'T have cheerios glued permanently to your dining table with dried milk and a pile of food bits and garbage all over the dining surface.
My rationale: Look. If you want a clean surface to eat off of, sweep your eating area yourself. Or just eat the food on your plate, which IS clean. I cannot keep ahead of the entropy. It gets wiped down once a day and that is that.
6) DON'T have piles of clothes that are designated "clean" or "dirty" rather than being put tidily in drawers.
My rationale: Drawers. Sounds like a neat idea. I do that about once a week. In between we have the "clean and dirty" hamper system. It's efficient, and I don't have to climb the stairs to get children dressed.
7) DON'T have a fence keeping people out of your kitchen so they have to raise their foot to hip level just to go get a drink.
My rationale: I like my home not burned down and my children with all ten fingers. So, the fence. If your hips aren't flexible enough to do the get-to-the-fridge hurdle then I guess that says something about your exercise regimen, but does not reflect on my housekeeping.
Yeah. My house is completely disgusting and sometimes I break down in tears about it. I have found a much better solution to the "I don't want to gross out my guests" quandary. Just don't invite people into your home! If you don't want food poisoning, don't eat here or get a stronger gut. If you don't want to stick to the floor, spray your feet with PAM before coming, or better yet stay home! I can't wait for House Beautiful to come do the photoshoot here.
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